So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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