he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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