you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
