you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Sex on roller skates
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.