How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
All of them.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
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I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
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She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.