Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Come share oat with me in your robe
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching