I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
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Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
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I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize