I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
