Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
