no, he came in my armpit
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
