I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
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