Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
