Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
