just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i need an iv and a liver transplant
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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