there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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