shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
