Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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