You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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