'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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