when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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