Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Randomize
