You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
