hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
