Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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