and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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