Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
