Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I am naked and annoyed.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
