Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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