ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
