Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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