God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
