Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
