this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
