It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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