His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
