You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
