dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
