elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
