Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
