Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Green mimosas i think yes
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
