Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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