best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
