You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
