we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
