It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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