tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
