Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
