In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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