The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
