he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
