I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
