i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
