Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
