Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
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i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
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I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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