how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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