Need sex. Gaining weight.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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