That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
