He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You dont lie about slip and slides
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
