youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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