I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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