THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
