Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
